Most of us know what it's like to be broken up with by a boyfriend/girlfriend. It sucks to go through, but eventually you move on and get over it and find someone new. There are certain 'rules' about how to handle yourself after a breakup with a significant other...
What there isn't rules for is how to handle a breakup with a friend! I don't mean a friend who you have lost touch with over time. I mean a friend who has decided for one reason or another that they don't like you anymore. I have had two different friends in the past four and a half years that have 'dumped' me. Neither of them have told me why. For me, this is very, very strange. I've never met such careless creatures before! I usually am quite aware when I have wronged someone and at least have some knowledge as to what I did to provoke such blind hatred!! I do have clues as to what may have happened, but everything happened so fast! It's as if we had a huge fight, except I wasn't actually there for it!
A normal human being would most likely write these so-called 'friends' off and not think about them ever again since they have proven to be useless. I am not normal. There is something wrong with me. Is it because I want people to like me? Sure. But that's not the only reason this really gets to me. There's something more that I have a hard time putting my finger on. I think it doesn't help that one of these ex-friends I still have to see from time-to-time at my job. Clearly, that won't be a problem for much longer since I am switching jobs. However, I am crazy and really feel the need to get closure from this situation because unfortunately this particular ex-friend was an ex-BEST friend to me. I miss her and will miss her even more when I leave. So do I tell her this and risk the self-afflicted punishment of her neither caring or responding? Or even worse, lashing out at me?
I guess what it comes down to is I don't want to tell her that I still want us to be friends because it makes me look desperate. I want her to make the first move. Especially because I don't want to make it look like I am begging for her friendship when I have a lot of good - and REAL - friends. However, there's this nagging sensation in my head (heart?) that tells me if I don't try I'll never know.
Although, when I think back, I recall she always kind of marveled at how I could forgive people because she just couldn't...so I guess that's my answer right there, huh??? It's funny how easily I seem to forgive people. It's in my nature I think, because I like to see the good in people. Yet it leads me to get hurt. A Lot. :-(
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